🚨 SATIRE ALERT: This is a fake university making fun of founders who guess instead of asking customers. Scroll down to see why this is ridiculous! 🚨

🎓 WORLD'S #1 ASSUMPTION UNIVERSITY 🎓

Get Certified in
Telepathic Market Research

Learn to make confident business decisions without ever talking to customers.
Master the ancient art of assumption-based entrepreneurship.

26,449 Confused Founders
4.8/5 Rating (Made Up)
0% Job Placement Rate

🏆 Accredited by the International Association of Wrong Assumptions

Course Catalog

Master the curriculum of catastrophic assumption-making

Advanced Assumption Making 101

ASSUME-101 • 3 Credits

8 weeks • Beginner

$299
4.9 (12,847 students)

Master the art of making confident business decisions without any customer input whatsoever.

Professor: Dr. Guess A. Lot

How to Ignore Customer Feedback Professionally

IGNORE-201 • 4 Credits

10 weeks • Intermediate

$399
4.8 (8,934 students)

Learn sophisticated methods to dismiss customer complaints while maintaining plausible deniability.

Professor: Prof. Ima Stubborn

Crystal Ball Analytics

CRYSTAL-301 • 5 Credits

12 weeks • Advanced

$599
5 (3,421 students)

Master mystical business intelligence techniques that rely entirely on gut feelings and cosmic alignment.

Professor: Madame Assumia

Entrepreneurial Telepathy

TELEPATHY-401 • 6 Credits

16 weeks • Expert

$899
4.7 (1,247 students)

Develop psychic abilities to read customer minds across vast distances without any actual communication.

Professor: Dr. Mind Reader PhD

Meet Our Distinguished Faculty

World-renowned experts in getting it completely wrong

🎩

Dr. Guess A. Lot

Professor of Assumption Sciences

Failed 23 startups by never talking to customers. Now teaches others to do the same.

PhD in Wishful Thinking
Author of 'The Art of Being Wrong'
2023 Assumption Excellence Award
🙈

Prof. Ima Stubborn

Chair of Willful Ignorance Department

Spent 15 years ignoring customer feedback at Fortune 500 companies. Expert in creative excuse generation.

Master's in Selective Hearing
Certified Feedback Dodger
Distinguished Denial Professor
🔮

Madame Assumia

Mystical Business Intelligence Expert

Combines ancient divination with modern assumption-making. Her crystal ball has a 0% accuracy rate.

Certified Crystal Ball Analyst
Master Tea Leaf Reader
PhD in Mystical Metrics

Student Success Stories

Hear from graduates who mastered the art of being wrong

"Thanks to CMU, I can now guess wrong with complete confidence! My last 3 products failed spectacularly."

Chad Overconfident

CEO @ WrongWay Startup

Graduate of Advanced Assumption Making 101

"The telepathy course taught me to ignore customers so effectively that I saved thousands on market research!"

Ashley Assumewell

Product Manager @ GuessRight Inc

Graduate of Entrepreneurial Telepathy

"Crystal Ball Analytics changed my life. I now make all decisions based on horoscopes. Revenue is down 90%!"

Mike Misinformed

Founder @ BadIdea Co

Graduate of Crystal Ball Analytics